Compatibility in marriage

A major human need is the need to marry. The human nature craves and needs a ‘life-long friend’; someone sincere, who will be there by their side through good and bad. When Allah created Adam AS, He placed him in Jannah; surrounded by all types of luxuries, but this was not quite enough. Allah created, from Adam AS, his wife Hawwaa AS. There is a subtle hint in this, that just as a person need food and drink, clothing, a roof over their head; they also need a life-long friend. At times, the need for one is greater than some of the other things mentioned.


Islam understands human nature and thus takes everything into consideration. Islam has not only allowed marriage but has stressed the importance of it time and time again, and encouraged it and discouraged a life of celibacy.


The Quran has described the relationship between the husband and the wife, the way they support each other, consider each other’s feelings and opinions in a very beautiful way. The Quran says “they are clothing for you and you are clothing for them” (2/187).


Clothing protects a person from different things such as cold weather. Some clothing protects us from rain, summer clothing allow us to keep cool and enjoy the summer sun and relax. Just as clothing protect us from the heat and the cold, the husband and the wife do exactly the same; they protect and support each other through good times and bad times.


Clothes also cover most of the body; and similarly the husband and wife know pretty much each and everything about one another. They know each other’s strengths and but also weaknesses as well. Yet they do not expose these to others. This is how the marital relationship should be. They could easily expose each other’s weaknesses and secrets to others but they don’t. They cover each other’s backs.


In addition to this, the right clothes add beauty and make a person look good. On the other hand, clothes too big or too small, with funny colours and designs makes a person look like a clown. A person buys clothing which fits and suits him and pleases him. Marriage is the same. A person wears a pair of clothing for a few months or a few years, but marriage is not meant to be short term; it is meant to be life-long commitment. So a person needs to choose wisely.


Parents should consider all factors when getting their children married. They should also consider the wishes of their children and give priority to them, unless there is something wrong with their wishes. They will be living their life with this new person and thus they need to be happy. No external pressure should be there from either family. Parents should stand up for their children and not give into any family pressure from anyone. The happiness of their children should come first and above everything else. Marriage does not need to be between relatives. If the right person is not there, search other families and friends and choose the right person.



The scholars should also think twice before agreeing to marry a couple which seems quite odd and incompatible. They should discuss any concerns they have prior to agreeing to go ahead with the ceremony.


Deen should always be at the top of the list for parents and their children. A person with deen will treat their partner in the right manner, look after them, protect them, and support them through thick and thin. Second factor to consider is compatibility; in their nature, interests, etc. Marriage should make a person feel more comfortable and at ease. The time should be cherished and enjoyed. It should not feel as added pressure and a burden. Background, relations, etc can play a part in compatibility but are not essential for the marriage to work.


The Prophet SAW said “when a person with whose deen and good character you are happy with, proposes, then accept it” (Tirmizi).


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Tayyib HMC FInder

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